Beowulf Meets Godsylla

Meanehwæl, baccat meaddehæle, monstær lurccen;
Fulle few too many drincce, hie luccen for fyht.
Ðen Hreorfneorhtðhwr, son of Hrwærowþheororthwl,
Æsccen æwful jeork to steop outsyd.
Þhud! Bashe! Crasch! Beoom! Ðe bigge gye
Eallum his bon brak, byt his nose offe;
Wicced Godsylla wæld on his asse.
Monstær moppe fleor wyþ eallum men in hælle.
Beowulf in bacceroome fonecall bamaccen wæs;
Hearen sond of ruccus sæd, "Hwæt ðe helle?"
Graben sheold strang ond swich-blæd scharp
Stond feorth to fyht ðe grimlic foe.
"Me," Godsylla sæd, "mac ðe minsemete."
Heoro cwyc geten heold wiþ fæmed half-nelson
Ond flyng him lic frisbe bac to fen
Beowulf belly up to meaddehæle bar,
Sæd, "Ne foe beaten mie færsom cung-fu."
Eorderen cocca-cohla yce-coeld, ðe reol þyng.

A Parody by Tom Weller
from Culture Made Stupid

Beowulf Meets Godzilla

Meanwhile, back at mead hall, monster lurkin',
Full few too many drinks, he lookin' for fight.
Then gobbilty, son of gobbilty gook,
Askin' awful jerk to step outside.
Thud! Bash! Crash! Boom! The big guy
All of his bone break, bite his nose off;
Wicked Godzilla wailed on his ass.
Monster mopped floor with all them men in hall.
Beowolf in backroom phonecall be makin' was;
Heard sound of ruccus said, "What the hell?"
Grabbin' shield strong and switch blade sharp
Stand forth to fight the grim foe.
"Me," Godzilla said, "make the mincemeat."
Hero quick getttin' hold with famed half-nelson
And flying him like frisbee back to fen
Beowulf belly up to meadhall bar,
Said, "No foe has beaten my fearsome kung-fu."
Orderin' coca-cola ice cold, the real thing.

A Parody by Tom Weller
from Culture Made Stupid



Stainless Steel Streetrat
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"Living is the best revenge" - Conan the Barbarian